Written by: The fabulous team at www.undolus.com
We are all about empowering women! We want women to have the confidence to be in control of their dating experiences. You might be thinking to yourself, how do I get there? How can I be in control? Don’t men have all the power? Of course not!
We believe every woman can find a man who is WORTHY by choosing wisely and doing a little homework. Set goals. Set boundaries. Don’t be afraid to say no. Talk to friends. If you get a weird feeling about the situation, it probably is weird! Trust your intuition. There is no foolproof method to finding the right person, but to help in your journey, we have put together some tips and tools that can help you get started on a strategy.
1. For starters, you are a strong, successful, smart, beautiful woman. Don’t downplay these qualities for him! He should be able to sense your confidence by the way you carry yourself. As you know, this comes from within, so do what you’ve got to do to present your best self. (and fake it on the off days)
2. And while you’re at it... NEVER make self-deprecating jokes. They aren’t funny and they give the impression “she doesn’t respect herself, why should I?” Don’t show him how to be critical of you.
3. Don’t be negative. Don’t whine. About anything. (We know this is hard, but save that for your mom/sister/girlfriends—even they have their limits)
4. Your mom was right. Don’t call him first. And don’t call him if he’s being elusive. Yes, we know, this sounds WAY outdated. But trust us. Don’t call him. Would you tell your daughter to call him if she was being ignored? NO. We all know what him not calling means.
5. Beware of the guy who is “too busy” to see you. Everybody is busy. Men do exactly what they want to do. If he wants to see you, he will make it happen, instead of making excuses. Period.
6. He should understand your time is valuable. He should not think it’s an option to make plans with you last minute (i.e. Friday afternoon at 3:00). That means you’re an afterthought, not his first thought. There are always exceptions to this (“I just got tickets to the concert!”), but for the most part, if he never makes a plan in advance with you, chances are it is because he wasn’t thinking about you or knows you will drop everything to be available at the drop of a hat when he does get around to thinking about you. (Translation: he thinks you have no life)
7. Don’t let him interview you. It’s totally normal (and necessary) in the beginning to have a healthy exchange of questions to get to know each other and determine whether you are compatible, but not to the extent that you feel like the encounter becomes a one-sided screening process and he’s the prospective boss. (“Gee, I hope my answers will get me to the next round!”) Endless interrogations with no plans to meet in person equals an insecure man who needs to feel superior.
8. Have an opinion. They don’t have to be the same as his. Your time together doesn’t have to resemble an episode of CNN Crossfire, but hopefully he will admire the fact that you have knowledge about current issues and that you have a brain. If he does not appreciate the fact that you have a voice or belittles your view, ABORT MISSION.
9. Be skeptical of the man who speaks negatively about his ex. Let’s face it, we could all spend hours venting about this topic, but hopefully he is not giving you a window into what happens if you disagree with him. Name calling, reliving the past, or displaying anger is probably not the sign of a well-adjusted man.
10. Trust your instincts. If the way he treats you leaves you feeling insecure and unfulfilled, don’t make excuses for him to yourself. You know what it feels like to be treated as a priority, even if it’s been a while. Hold out for that.
These tips and tools were gathered from real life scenarios and countless hours of research (listening to our girlfriends, listening to our guy friends, and possibly our own mistakes). We want to form a community of women who help each other make informed, smart dating choices. Let us help you get the upper hand by investigating his background and character before you get too deep! Check him out on www.undolus.com.