Mean Girls... Mean Women: Changing the Cycle

Written by: Jenny

Ya know what's really unfortunate? That 'mean girls' exist. At any age, really. But, particularly as grown women.

As a mom, trying the hardest I can to raise a confident, NICE little girl, I'm not gonna lie. The whole bullying/mean girl thing scares the hell out of me.

I can only protect her the best I can. I can only be there to pick her up if she's down. I can't prevent what others say to her. And words hurt. At any age.

That is the hardest part about being a mom. Guarding three hearts. Mine, and the hearts of my daughter and son. I feel their pain as though it's my own.

Do mean girls come from mean moms? I know that is the case sometimes. I've seen it. It makes sense. Kids learn what they see and often, repeat. I am by no means saying that I am perfect in this regard, far from. But, I really do try to keep adult conversation away from little ears.

It's tricky because I think as women, it's sort of 'in our blood' the need to vent. The need to share. The need to discuss. 

My husband and I laugh about this a lot because he knows that's exactly how I'm wired and he is just NOT. Men and women are certainly different in their need to talk!

But, what I love is having a best friend, a mom and a sister who I know with certainty keep conversations private. Who try to help me solve problems -- not just complain about things. Who don't get joy out of speaking negatively about people or situations. Who look at the positive, rather than dwell on the bad.

I am lucky to have that. I hope that I AM that to others. I especially hope that my kids become that to others as they get older.

My mom is full of good advice. But, a couple of things she hammered into my head my entire life:

Be true to yourself.

I go to bed every night and silently review my day. More often than not, I can tell you with all honesty that I feel I tried to make a difference that day, I worked hard, I 'mommed' the best I could, I tried to be a good wife, a good friend. I don't like it when something is 'off'. I don't like it when I feel I said or did something that may have been misconstrued... could have in any way hurt another person. It just doesn't feel good.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Boy, isn't that the truth? If we all did that, what a wonderful world...

My mom is still my go-to for my every day issues. She's a great counselor. When I told her about a recent situation that left my feelings hurt when I felt someone attacked my character, she said this.

Don't give it legs. You know the truth. You know where your heart is. You know who you are.

She's right. I do know those things and I needed a reminder that because I do stay true to myself, I do treat others the way I want to be treated (thanks, mom)... deep breath, put that attack to bed because it's irrelevant.

So, my message here is this. As women, we need to support each other, not tear each other down. We need to gain our own, individual security in ourselves and try to make a difference in this world. Let's join forces! Let's be productive and put our 'vent' sessions, girl's nights, texts and phone calls, social media posts to GOOD use.

To quote Beyonce... and I mean, she is the queen... 'who run the world? GIRLS.'

So, let's get on with it. There's a lot of work to be done.  

#sheKCkindnessproject:

Thank you so much for your support, KC (and beyond!) We just sold the last of our shirts this past weekend! Profits from the sale of our 'kind collection' are about to do great things for anti-bullying in Kansas City. Watch for specifics here on sheKC soon! We are proud and excited!

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