Written by: Tara Kroes, 'The Traveling Waitress' for Undolus (Educate before you date!)
January usually brings with it resolutions for the year ahead. Most of us vow to be healthier, eat smarter, save more money and be happier. Yet, how many of us think about making resolutions in our dating life? As we navigate our way through this maze that is the dating world, it is important to make sure that we are taking care of our hearts in the process. You are amazing, and any man would be lucky to have the opportunity to date you. So stay focused, positive and remember to never settle. Now here is to a fun, date filled 2017!
Don't listen to your friends. It seems that everyone has an opinion on your love life, but are any of them helping you find love? If the answer is no, then limit your dating conversation to only the important points, like when you start seeing someone you really like. You ultimately know what is best for you. Know that your friend's opinions and advice are coming from a good place, but in the end, you are the only one who knows what will make you happy.
Venture out of your comfort zone. New year, time to shake things up a bit. Try breaking free of the drinks or coffee date and do something that you have never done before. Go on a date with someone that you may have said no to in the past. Dating someone who is not your typical type will open your mind to new possibilities that you never would have considered. Being picky is good, but we tend to select down to too narrow a demographic. Try expanding your search a little and see what happens.
Make the 1st move. Whether it is sending the first message on a dating site, or asking out the cutie you smile at every day in the elevator, be bold this year and make the first move. Yes, making the first move can be terrifying because there is the fear of rejection. However, the regret of not doing it is far worse. So take a deep breath and just go for it. If he rejects you, know that it is his loss, shrug it off and move on. This year is all about you and your awesome self!
Stay Positive. This can be hard to do when diving deep into the dating world. Unanswered Tinder messages and a list of unsuccessful first dates can cause anyone to feel like they should just give up. Don't! Remember what Theodore Roosevelt said that "nothing worth having comes easy." You look up many different job postings, test drive multiple cars and view numerous houses before you find the right one. Remember that the same applies to a relationship. Dating is not easy, but it is not supposed to be. So stay positive and know that all the effort you are putting in will be worth it.
Make Time. You cannot say that you want to date if you are not willing to etch out enough time in your life to dedicate to it. It is not fair to leave messages unanswered for weeks on the dating site you are on. To not have the time for a second date with the person you had an amazing first date with. You make time in your life for what is important to you, so if this is the year you want to focus on dating, then you have to make a conscious effort to create the time needed to do it right.
Get Out. As my wonderful doctor told me; "The man of your dreams is not going to show up at your door with a bottle of wine. You have to get out there and meet people." If you feel like putting on your comfy clothes and curling up with a Grey's Anatomy marathon, don't do it. Throw on a cute outfit and go to your local bar or coffee shop for a drink. Even if the only person you talk to is the bartender or barista, the point is to make a conscious movement to get out and socialize. If you usually say no to a co-workers birthday party, then this year say yes. Make a promise to yourself to go out and do one social thing a week. You may not meet the man of your dreams, but you could make a great new friend who does know him. Getting out, socializing and expanding your social network is the best dating defence you possess.
Stop over analyzing. Easier said than done, I know. It is a natural function of the female brain to try to rationalize and understand the meaning behind everything. Men think very logically; they think something and they say it. Women, think with lots of emotion and try to understand the real meaning behind the narrative. The crazy thing is that most times there is no meaning in the message, it simply means what it says. Spending hours with your girlfriends trying to decipher the code of his text message will only cause you headaches. Go into this year with the belief that men mean what they say and try to do the same yourself. Do not say you are okay with something if you are not. Be open and direct in your communication. No hidden messages, no subtext. Honest, respectful and straightforward and expect the same from him.
End the on again/off again/only when your lonely/booty call relationship for good. You know the one. The guy you always go back to after ever break up or rejection. The one who doesn't want to commit or who doesn't treat you right. Your backup for when you feel lonely. You need to end this once and for all. You can't fully focus on a future with someone new if you have one foot stuck in the past. Think of it as dating detox. You made a resolution to be healthy this year; that should include healthy relationships. It may feel good in the moment, but you are ultimately causing yourself more harm than good. Make 2017 all about you and your fantastic choices. Start the year off with a clean, drama free slate.
Make it all or nothing. If you tell the person, you are dating that you really like them and want to become exclusive and they say they can't commit right now for whatever reason, walk away. Every male friend and co-worker I have talked to about this said the same thing; if a man wants to be with you, he will do whatever it takes to be with you. Waiting for him is not an option because you will be waiting forever and may miss out on many other incredible opportunities in the process. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but life is not like the movies. The anti-commitment man will not suddenly realize that you are the woman of his dreams and show up outside your window to serenade you with his words of love. You are worth someone's total commitment. If he is only half in, you need to be totally out and move on. This is difficult to do when you like someone, but remember that you are a strong, amazing women and you need to find a man who is willing to appreciate that, 100%.
Always use Undolus. The dating women's best tool! A community of females dedicated to supporting and encouraging other women. It is a safe place where women can rate their dates based on a series of pre-determined questions. Women can also have a background check performed on their dates to ensure they are going out with the person they think you are. It is by no means male bashing; it is like an anti-virus for the scum bags of the dating world. Women helping women from getting hurt. Although there are no guarantees from heartbreak when it comes to dating, knowing there is a team of women that you haven't even met that have got your back is a pretty empowering feeling.
Note from Jenny and Brooke at sheKC: We LOVE what the ladies at Undolus are doing! Click here to educate before you date. Investigate your date! Date smarter with Undolus!