A Guide for Getting Over a Break-Up
Written by: Gabby
After I’ve thrived through a serious relationship just to leave it behind in a cloud of dust, all I want to do is wallow in self-pity and pizza forever. I think to myself, “Self: you will never get over this just lay around until your tear ducts have disappeared.”
Well, I’m here to tell you to not do that because while there may not be an ultimate guide to getting over a break-up, there is a rough outline in the making.
All of our break-ups are unique and the true nature of how to succeed a break-up is based off of you and your own pace. Sometimes it’s dependent on the longevity of the relationship. I’ve certainly never gone through a break-up thinking to myself, “Eh, this one will only take me a day or two.” (Wouldn’t that be great, though?)
No. Through each of my break-ups I’ve been a total mess. I think about the time and commitment spent with that person. I recall all of the conversations we had about our future while snuggled up in a down blanket, smiling at each other. Who goes into a relationship thinking it’s going to end? Nobody!
But when it does end, there isn’t much more you can do about it. Sure, you want to try for the same thing you’ve already been trying for but one day your heart will settle with the fact that it’s over—and probably for good reason. If the time has come for you to walk away from someone you love, follow this guide. I promise it will work. It may not be instantaneous, but it will be progressive.
1. Put down your phone
Ugh! I get it. All you want to do is send one more text message. You just want to ask why just one more time hoping the answer is going to change.
I used to have a sixth sense from halfway across the room that my ex would text. Alright, it wasn’t really a sixth sense I could just see the faintness of a red heart emoji. Nonetheless, I was excited for what kinds of plans I’d have all day to look forward to. When it was over and my phone was less likely to ring, I’d never felt more lonely. All I wanted to do was make it ring.
Texting your ex to have a conversation you already had, prolong the inevitable, and truly make it worse for yourself is the most important thing to stay away from. If you can get through the first week without contact, I know you can get through forever.
2. Stop giving yourself a time limit
I know this all too well. I’ll consider the time spent with my ex and calculate about how long it should take me to get over him. This isn’t healthy.
Forcing yourself to cry five more times and then absolutely never again is forcing yourself not to feel. One of my favorite things about humans is our capability to feel. Our hearts, minds, and stomachs feel hurt and sick. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your body is strong and you’re capable of the most beautiful thing on earth—pink Starbursts. Just kidding, it’s love! The most beautiful thing is love.
Children are given immunizations for the flu. The shot, in turn, gives off the virus so their bodies learn to protect against it. The way I see it, heartbreak is simply an immunization. Our hearts are adjusting for the future.
3. Remember who YOU used to be
I’ve found that one of the most difficult things to overcome post break-up is who I am without someone else. The foundation of a successful relationship requires two people. You adapt your entire life to not only your needs but now someone else’s. Even just deciding where to eat for dinner turns into a “Where ever you want, babe” battle to make the other person happy.
When you’re ready, take time away from the rest of the world and re-learn who you were before you were part of a pair. Taking to your friends to occupy your time is always helpful but be sure to spend some time alone. Devoting too much time to forgetting your ex with your friends could only make you more dependent on them.
4. Take up a new hobby
Occupying your time has got to be the most valuable way to forget, even just for a little while. There is no way –no way, you will be thinking about your ex while grinding and sweating at a booty camp. Okay, so, maybe you’ll be exhausted, possibly nauseous, and regretful of every cupcake you’ve ever eaten but you sure won’t be sad.
Empower yourself by learning to do something. After one of my break-ups I taught myself how to play a song on the piano. It may have been called ‘The Ice Cream Song’ and no one in the world may ever want to hear it but it made me chuckle. That’s truly all that mattered to me. Now, I can tell people I know how to play the piano. Shh—nobody has to know how well!
5. Pamper yourself
If nothing else I’ve said helps your heart, let this be the most important guide for you. There is no greater feeling than a fresh manicure, a few extra highlights, and watching dead ends fall to the floor like a new beginning.
I’ve been through ups and downs during break-ups. I’ve buried myself in the middle of my bed, dragged my pup back into my arms every time he tried to flee, and binged on every rom-com that would no longer be my life. Sometimes the only thing to motivate me up and onward was that I needed a change and I knew exactly where to begin; my hair.
Now that you no longer have to worry about going crazy over Christmas and a birthday for a while, spend your hard-earned money on trimmed cuticles and cleaning out your pores of mascara residue.
Remember that while you may feel alone in this moment, you’re far from it. There are countless other women out there going through exactly what you are. The upside to all of it is that one day you will be able to laugh again. Maybe it will be at yourself for how many times in a row you watched Bridget Jones but, you will laugh again!