Single Mom: Will You Ever Leave Me?
Written by: Anonymous in Kansas City
'Will you ever leave me?' -- a question I've often considered when falling in love. It's a painful thing to think about because as we grow older, we learn that this is completely out of our control.
Honestly? Sometimes the harder you try, the more likely it is to happen. It's a delicate balance in the dating world of being yourself, but not pushing too hard.
I've never had anyone ask it of me, until I heard it whispered from my daughter's mouth. It truly caught me off guard.
She's been having such a hard time lately. Every time she goes to her dad's house, she cries hysterically for hours. School just started. She doesn't have many friends in her class this year. She's had a lot thrown at her this past year. She's only eight.
When I'm home with her, she'll barely leave my side. She's stuck to me like glue. Asking her to sleep in her room is the equivalent of water boarding in her mind... pure torture!
But, I was not prepared for what was really on her mind.
'Mommy, will you ever leave me?'
I guess it's not that shocking. She did see me choose to leave her dad, and she knows I once loved him very much.
I know that gut wrenching pain when you love someone and they choose to leave -- and you have no control over the situation.
It's definitely affected my ability to find love now. I'm cautiously optimistic when I first meet someone, but I don't want to completely fall for fear they will leave.
The helplessness and vulnerability is the very root of true love, really.
As I looked into her scared eyes, I tried to convince her with all of my might that I'll never leave her. She is the child that made me a mother. I love her with all of my being.
Right now I can't convince her with words. I get it. I've had plenty of men tell me what I wanted to hear. The last guy who told me he couldn't imagine his life without me broke up with my because my daughters have iPads. So, I don't trust words that much either!
What I do trust is action. Over time. The little things that build a foundation for true love.
I'm hoping I can also teach my daughter how important it is to love herself. No matter what life brings us and who chooses to leave -- we can always stand strong alone.